perplexed by grace

God is good. All the time. God is good to me. All the time.

The ironic thing is that I don't realize this all the time. I wish I did.

I feel now, Sept. 1, 2009, is a point in my life where the scales have somehow been removed from my eyes and I'm seeing incredible amazing God and the blessings and gifts He's given to me in my life.

And I'm incredibly confused. Perplexed is a better word. I don't understand it. I want to understand it. I don't feel like I necessarily have to understand it. But it's really crazy!! (His grace)

The provision of relationships, and sustenance, and beauty...I am in a funk of "wha?"...for me??

I wonder if my life could get any better. I don't say that arrogantly, but with a genuine heart of thanks. And even in recognizing incredible blessings, there is still doubt present. I wonder, and I actually doubt, it could get better.

One thing I am certain of: I have an obligation, not a works obligation, but a responsibility of love obligation, to turn His blessings and provision around and put them to use to furthering His kingdom here on earth.

But ya, for now, I don't get grace and the joyful giving of Jesus. But I'm okay with that.

Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."
As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips.

LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

-Psalm 16 (NIV)