marriage - not for everyone

I think I've posted on this topic before, but I had some more thoughts about it after some conversations and James, and wanted to share. I mean James in the New Testament, not my friend James, who is cool too.

"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." (James 3:18-4:3 NIV)

Marriage is not for everyone under the banner of Christ, although I think society wants to often tell us that. On the whole, it is probably safe to say that the institution of marriage in our society has been deteriorating. I recognize this. I think however, there's still a large underlying impetus or push to get married.

Having a "cultural push" to get married is not necessarily a great thing, especially when it is based on parameters outside the sanctity of marriage as defined by God. Marriage becomes an arrangement. Or a financial benefit.

But the point of this post is not to really talk about that. I wanted to talk more about Christians and the idea of marriage. With this cultural "push" to get married, people, both Christian or non-Christian, get married based on wrong motives, and this I think then leads to conflict within marriage.

Like James mentions above, I think the selfish desires people experience definitely apply to the realm of marriage and the desire to get married.

Girls and guys both value and are subject to this "gotta get married" strong cultural suggestion. There are so many things in our society that push this. Most girls from a young age start to dream about their wedding day and who they might marry. There's nothing necessarily wrong with this, but it can overshadow a more important dream or identity to be wrapped up in.

I hope I'm wrong, but in large part, it seems that the thoughts and dreams young girls are having are NOT about what spending eternity with Jesus might look like or what being Christ's hands and feet in our world might look like. I can't really say for sure, but I think this goes on based on what I understand mass media and culture communicates.

Guys have their culture thoughts and plans for marriage too, it's not just girls. Guys too can get overshadowed by the "what's in it for me" idea of marriage that drives the cultural push to get married. They may not dream about wedding days, but they dream or think about other things.

Marriage though, I think as the Lord would have it, is based on an incredible opportunity for service. It's like a 50 year mission trip, or however long you'll be married. Marriage at its core, should be about service, self-less, service and not selfish service. Marriage should be about helping the spouse grow closer in their relationship to Christ, for that is what matters most.

I don't think that's a pervasive cultural mentality.

We're all flawed I know. I'm not saying "oh, if you recognize any selfish desire in you, stay away from marriage!" God blesses brokenness. I think He can and often does bless brokenness that is mutually shared and identified. He blesses marriages even if they had orginally been built on selfish desires of the particpants involved. There's nothing short of His grace that He can't touch.

What I'm saying is that I think we should perceive marriage differently than our culture currently does. Not as a "what can it do for me?" but "how can I act like Jesus and serve and love this person and help them grow closer to the Father?"