who's first in a relationship?

In many ways, being in a very close relationship, such as marriage, there is a strong intimacy and love for that other person in the relationship.

That is to be celebrated. A relationship where people can trust each other to such levels of baring-their-soul intimacy is a great thing. The love and security in a relationship like that, I imagine is an awesome thing to experience (I'm not married so I can't fully back up this post with a real-life experience). A developed and close-knit love helps each individual stand together and comfort each other amidst the world of evil, hate, and disappointment that we live in.

I think though, even in Christ-centered marriages, the influence of culture sometimes takes this idea too far. **This is where I acknowledge I lack clarity of insight having never been married. It's easy for me to say that a husband and wife should put Christ first and foremost in their marriage. Living that is something else.

Regardless, I really think it's true. Well, consider, if the other person were to be the primary focus in a relationship, that's going to eventually lead to disappointment. The fact of the matter is, no matter how great the other person is, no matter how deep and bonded the love of the relationship is, the other person is a sinner. More importantly, and what is a bigger deal, is that you are a sinner (I am a sinner). There's something there that will never allow a human relationship of love to be as perfect and pure as Christ's love for each one of His children.

I was reading in Genesis, and never picked up on this before. Before the fall, Adam and Eve DID live in a perfect relationship with each other, and it was pure, as God's relationship was to them. They were naked and not ashamed...then the fall happened, and the resulting sin produced some consequences. God says "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children; Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you." (Genesis 3:16)

so #1, giving birth is now painful. Giving birth to a child is perhaps the deepest proof, or "sign" of love between a man and a woman. Even greater than that is that giving birth is deep proof of God's love for both parents, His own children. God gives forth this incredible, miraculous blessing. What was meant to be an act of love without fear and completely joyous has turned into something painful and full of anxiety.
and #2 "your desire will be for your husband..." this line was really insightful. Before the fall, what was pure, what was holy, what was perfect leads me to think was the opposite of what this consequence. Eve's desire WAS for God. Now that the fall has occurred, the woman will desire her husband...she will gravitate towards loving her man more than God.

As Christian believers who seek to walk according to God's truth and live in holiness, I think we need to realize this. In spite of pop media and our general culture all around us encouraging us as much as possible to make idols out of our husbands or wives, and essentially put them up on pedestals, we need to be prayerful about putting Christ first in our lives, and walk in THAT desire. In doing so, I think we end up honoring and loving the spouse in a pure way far far greater than the alternative way of trying to love the spouse as #1.