celebrating what is right

"Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.
If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.

This I command you, that you love one another." (John 15:9-17 NASB)

Christ's love is the perfect love to which our hearts aspire. The perfect love in which our hearts, souls, and minds find perfect peace. Amidst the backdrop of this passage, I think I'm getting a deeper picture of Christ's love, and the joys as well as the limitations of a dating relationship.

Christ emphasizes that we humans love only because it's made possible through and by His love. "I have also loved you..." "just as I have loved you..." "You did not choose Me but I chose you..."

This passage to me makes it clear that we can only abide in any sort of love on this earth AFTER and dependent upon the love relationship with Christ.

Don't get me wrong. I personally have been really fortunate to progress into a deeper season of becoming greater friends with a really great girl. The jury is still out on if it's love or not, I can't say...but a lot of things seem to be clicking as right and honorable. It's an experience of thoughts, emotions, and events that is quite fun, exciting, and unique. Christ speaks, in this very passage, about how greater love is closely related to the idea of deep friendship. "No longer do I call you slaves...but I have called you friends..."

The earthly dating relationship never will, and never should surpass the primary love relationship with Christ. I don't think marriage should either. That sounds almost defeatist at first, definitely counter-cultural to not pour out everything into this other person, this great friend, and to put your primary hope in this other human.

That should never be the case and if I project that as a boyfriend or future husband, I am failing as a friend and a brother. Not to mention, I am selling short the love of Christ and cheapening it.

It needs to be remembered that both humans involved in that relationship have their own individual sin that they bring to the table. That fact will never allow the intimacy and a purity of love that can be experienced with Jesus, the holy and perfect One. Don't get me wrong, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends can have pretty awesome relationships that are fulfilling, honoring, and glorifying to the Lord. At their best, they can approach something less than the love of Christ. That's not a bad thing though, falling somewhat short of perfection can still be pretty darn good.

who's first in a relationship?

In many ways, being in a very close relationship, such as marriage, there is a strong intimacy and love for that other person in the relationship.

That is to be celebrated. A relationship where people can trust each other to such levels of baring-their-soul intimacy is a great thing. The love and security in a relationship like that, I imagine is an awesome thing to experience (I'm not married so I can't fully back up this post with a real-life experience). A developed and close-knit love helps each individual stand together and comfort each other amidst the world of evil, hate, and disappointment that we live in.

I think though, even in Christ-centered marriages, the influence of culture sometimes takes this idea too far. **This is where I acknowledge I lack clarity of insight having never been married. It's easy for me to say that a husband and wife should put Christ first and foremost in their marriage. Living that is something else.

Regardless, I really think it's true. Well, consider, if the other person were to be the primary focus in a relationship, that's going to eventually lead to disappointment. The fact of the matter is, no matter how great the other person is, no matter how deep and bonded the love of the relationship is, the other person is a sinner. More importantly, and what is a bigger deal, is that you are a sinner (I am a sinner). There's something there that will never allow a human relationship of love to be as perfect and pure as Christ's love for each one of His children.

I was reading in Genesis, and never picked up on this before. Before the fall, Adam and Eve DID live in a perfect relationship with each other, and it was pure, as God's relationship was to them. They were naked and not ashamed...then the fall happened, and the resulting sin produced some consequences. God says "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children; Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you." (Genesis 3:16)

so #1, giving birth is now painful. Giving birth to a child is perhaps the deepest proof, or "sign" of love between a man and a woman. Even greater than that is that giving birth is deep proof of God's love for both parents, His own children. God gives forth this incredible, miraculous blessing. What was meant to be an act of love without fear and completely joyous has turned into something painful and full of anxiety.
and #2 "your desire will be for your husband..." this line was really insightful. Before the fall, what was pure, what was holy, what was perfect leads me to think was the opposite of what this consequence. Eve's desire WAS for God. Now that the fall has occurred, the woman will desire her husband...she will gravitate towards loving her man more than God.

As Christian believers who seek to walk according to God's truth and live in holiness, I think we need to realize this. In spite of pop media and our general culture all around us encouraging us as much as possible to make idols out of our husbands or wives, and essentially put them up on pedestals, we need to be prayerful about putting Christ first in our lives, and walk in THAT desire. In doing so, I think we end up honoring and loving the spouse in a pure way far far greater than the alternative way of trying to love the spouse as #1.

ding! -- the Lord's will

I had a pretty significant "ah-ha!" moment reading through a devotional (Utmost for His highest - Jan 2) yesterday morning and wanted to share it.

So here are my thoughts, and I'll start by using an analogy of marriage to present my case.

So as a marriage grows deeper and more intimate, it's many times the man and wife get to a point where they "know what the other is thinking" or easily understand why the other is upset. Growing in such a relationship is a matter of being in the presence of each other for both quality and quantity amounts of time. A husband and wife at this level of relationship don't sit around asking each other questions to reconcile and become closer. "Hey honey, um, did you just get mad again because I left the toilet seat up?" "Well dear, I didn't say I love you when you left for work today, did that somewhat bother you?" "Through thought osmosis, I'm expressing I adore you, but I really felt I didn't need to say it, is that cool?"

Don't get me wrong, questions are part of growing closer, but the intimacy, I think, really comes from spending quality time together where man and wife can soak in who each other are and what they're about as well as an outflow component of doing life together, so that man and wife can see how each other apply their passions and deeply held priorities to the world.

So here's how it hit me clearly.

My tendency with the Lord is to constantly ask "Lord, Lord, what is your will for me today or this month?" "Should I be doing this?" "Should I be initiating this relationship or trying to do this or that?" "Oh Lord, please show me a sign somehow in the amazing ways you work..." I ask and ponder these questions, but I now really don't think that's the best way for me to discern Christ's will.

My realization was this: I will find out much more what the Lord's will for my life is by coming to Jesus' feet to spend intimate time with Him, not asking Him questions about what our relationship looks like or should look like or what His will is in this or that. As I spend more time with Him, I'll know good and well what He desires.

anxiety, relationships

So, I've been doing some thinking, and I have come to this conclusion/realization.

Anxiety seems to be arise out of selfishness. The more selfish one is, in general or in a particular relationship, the more anxiety is felt.

I was thinking of this in context of a good friend who has just entered into a dating relationship. He is an outstanding guy, and a solid brother, but he has expressed that he feels anxious in many ways with this relationship. I think it's selfishness. I don't think this unnamed friend is selfish in general, he does not act as such, but I think the source of his anxiety can be traced to his own selfishness with this relationship. In the sense that an ideal or a mental picture of what that relationship should look like or how it would proceed is held in my friend's mind.

I would say my friend with this relationship is a minor example that was supporting evidence for this thought of how selfishness is related to anxiety. The real incriminating evidence and major example for this came when I reflected upon myself, and how stupidly selfish I am in certain relationships in my life, and low and behold, those areas of my life are where I experience the most anxiety. I refer to relationship both as in relationships to other people as well as relationship as in my relationship to money, trust, marriage, and other non-human aspects of life.

Instead of relying on Christ to be the center, I rely on my self, convinced of my own ways and my own thoughts to figure things out. I set out this idea in my mind about how something should be, rather than trusting Christ's way over my way.

I think Paul alludes to this in Philippians: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV).

And Jesus gives a pretty clear solution to this problem of selfishness and the resulting anxiety that can simply wear someone out: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV)

Now, I want to be clear, I don't think we're just to sit down in a chair and let God run our lives. Completely the opposite. We're to walk according to the graces He has showered down upon us, but do so with a firm trust and reliance on Christ's precepts and principles rather than my own.